How to Build Trust With a Scared Horse: What Trey Teaches

“Safe” is not a switch you flip. Feeling safe, when safety has been lost, is a process, and the process has a pace. It has a rhythm. It is made of small, repeatable moments that build trust and predictability. Indeed, feeling safe is foundational to being able to build trust. 

The university-affiliated equestrian facility was the perfect place for their first experience in their new world. We were blessed to find a talented, caring college student that I could hire to “work” with them every day. She was not a horse trainer. However, more importantly, she was patient, kind and empathetic. She visited them daily and would just “be” with them. She let them emerge and connect as they were ready. This was the beginning of the “work.” Work that was helping them feel safe and building trust in people.  

In the beginning, she watched for the basics: are they drinking, are they eating? Her work, however, was “being” with them. Being in their space without putting pressure on them. You learn whether they are going to feel safe by observing how they relate to you. You monitor how close they let you get to them. Equally, if not more important, is monitoring how close they choose to move towards you. In other words, do they feel safe around a person so much so that they will choose to go to that person of their own free will?

The foundational feeling of being safe with humans was critical to helping Trey and Divine integrate into their new horse-human world. Why? They would need to be able to interact with farriers and with vets. They would need to be able to collaborate with a human so they can be moved from place to place. Calm interaction with humans is imperative so that both horse and human are safe from harm. None of this would be possible unless they felt safe and believed that they could trust a human. 

I didn’t know how long we’d need to simply be present. How long it would take for them to engage in typical horse activities and expectations. With patience in the beginning, it didn’t take long for them to start to trust. And, we found that a little bit of trust goes a long way.

Every day this student visited them. Existed in their space. Hung out. Observed. I think we underestimate presence because it doesn’t look like action. Yet, step by step she earned their trust by being a safe person that didn’t pressure them. Presence without pressure is the beginning of trust and the ultimate “action”. Eventually, Trey and Divine became curious about her and moved closer towards her to see what she was about. 

I was aware that I would need to be careful about who I chose to interact with them during this fragile time. This ranged from the college student to the vets and other people involved in their care.  This made a difference and ensured that the gentle work the student was doing was successful. Soon, they were introduced to new things like carrots, which they didn’t know what to do with and had no interest in! They grew more curious, and less fearful, about noisy things like crinkly paper. They willingly tried, were willing to try grain, and learned how much they really liked it. They learned it was ok to have a halter placed on them. 

Once we reached this stage, they were ready for their first vet visit. Wearing their new halters, they stood still and engaged with the vet. The vet gave them a thorough examination. Based on their teeth, she estimated that they were about 1 month old at the time of the round up. 

 During their second or third month at the facility, there was an outbreak of Strangles. Strangles is a highly contagious upper respiratory infection in horses. The bacteria, Streptococcus equi, causes severe swelling in the lymph nodes that can be deadly. The glands literally strangle the horse. 

I never imagined that they would be susceptible. They didn’t travel nor did the horses around them. So, there didn’t seem to be exposure to other horses that might have the infection.  

The first sign was with Trey. He had an unusual discharge from his nose, which is a typical symptom with Strangles. The vet made an emergency visit to test him. He tested positive. 

I can’t describe what it feels like when you have fought that hard to get a foal out of holding, watched him start to trust, even play, and then watch his throat swell in a way that was uncontrollable and potentially deadly. Because it’s highly contagious, I had to isolate him immediately from all the other horses. This meant that I also had to decide whether I’d isolate him from Divine. Do I break my promise to always keep them together or do I ensure her safety by breaking them apart?

They just started to feel safe and trusting. What would a separation so soon do to each of them? Was there information that could help me make the right choice? There was. The vet, who understood what they’d been through, shared that since Divine and he were so close and always together, Divine also had to have been exposed. So, together as promised, they journeyed down the road to a place where they could be isolated. 

 Luckily, we had a group of people, “Team Trey & Divine,” who stepped in to help. We had to let the infection run its course. So, we did what we could to try and prevent his breathing from being impacted. We used warm compresses to try to reduce Trey’s swelling and abscesses. We also had to follow a strict protocol of disinfecting—everything from tack we used to the shoes we wore. 

Initially, Trey had little energy as his body fought the bacteria. As he started to heal, his energy increased. And, as his energy increased, so did Divine’s. They needed to stay isolated for a specific period of time once the symptoms were gone. As the teame continued to visit and care for them, Trey & Divine flourished.

The trust they felt was obvious. Divine realized that humans can scratch her behind in a way she loved! So, she began to communicate, very clearly, when she wanted this from someone. Trey, once shy and reticent, began to be curious and slightly naughty. He was exploring and felt confident in doing so.

What started out as devastating and gutting turned into a pivotal growth experience for them. They were able to stay together and experience a group of humans care for them, play with them, scratch them when they asked. Trey made it through the life-threatening illness and experienced being nurtured and cared for throughout it. 

Trust was built.

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